I was in a consultation with a middle age couple.They started fighting right in front of me. The upset husband said- See doc….I ‘CARE’ so much for her and this is what I get in return..To which the fuming wife replied- He doesn’t care…he just ‘CONTROLS’…!
The “CARE” from one person was perceived as “CONTROL” by another !
Made me think…what is CARE and what is CONTROL? How to identify them?
Soon I received the answer.
I had an argument with my teenage son over a trivial disciplinary issue…Harsh words were exchanged leaving both of us upset…😪
After sometime, as our emotions settled down , we said sorry to each other…
My son hugged me and said- mummy ,you know why you got upset?
You were not upset because I did wrong..but u were upset because I didn’t follow your instructions….there is a big difference !
I was stunned with his mature thinking pattern. ..I received my answer too… I was trying to control him under the disguise of care…that caused the conflict ….
If I really ‘CARE’ for someone , I will not get upset or angry with that person…I will keep searching different ways to help that person..
If I am struggling in any relationship…I need to closely observe if there is any subtle CONTROL hidden behind my apparent care…because :
Care is an expression of love while control is an expression of ego…
Control cuts…Care connects …
Control hurts…Care heals…
Keep caring for people but don’t try to control them … because
Often people are not wrong…they are just ‘different’…