Tag Archives: anger

What are some of your Fears?

False Evidence Appearing Real

It is but that you must be free from fear.

The moment you try to free yourself from fear, you create a resistance from fear.

Resistance, in any form does not end fear.

What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear, understand its learning, that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly in contact with it.

We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it, not how to resist it through courage and false hope.

Whats the Brilliance behind your Fear? What it is trying to convey to you?

Ask

Laila Ahmed ~ 9820250409

Divine Learning

🌺💕☘️💕🌺

Connection before Correction…

These qualities I wish I had used more consistently is Connection before Correction.

Of course, I didn’t know what this meant as a young mother.

Now we know it is just brain science: children learn (grow, feel safe, thrive) best when they feel connection—or as Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs taught us, “a sense of belonging and significance”.

Extensive research shows that we cannot influence children in a positive way until we create a connection with them.

It is a brain (and heart) thing.

🌹Sometimes we have to stop dealing with the misbehavior and first heal the relationship.🌹

Connection creates a sense of safety and openness.

Punishment, lecturing, nagging, scolding, blaming or shaming create fight, flight, or freeze.

One of my favorite examples of “connection before correction” is, “ I Love You 😍 and the answer is no.”

This example also illustrates the Positive Discipline concept of kind and Down at the same time.

Before sharing more ways to create a connection with children, I want to point out that it is a mistake to think that giving children whatever they want is effective.

Rescuing, fixing, and over-protecting are not good ways to create a connection.

Effective connections are made when both child and adult feel belonging and significance.

Most of the Positive Discipline parenting tools provide skills for creating a connecon.

Simple Techniques..

  • Spend special time with children. What could create a greater connection for your child than to know you enjoy spending time with him or her.
  • Listen. Really listen. Stop doing whatever you are doing and give your child your full attention
  • Validate your child’s feelings. Don’t we all feel connected when we feel understood?
  • Share your feelings and thoughts when appropriate. Remember that children will listen to you AFTER they feel listened to. Children feel a connection when you respectfully share something about yourself. Respectfully, means no stories about walking miles in the snow.
  • Focus on solutions WITH children after a cooling off period. There is that word “with” again–because it is a golden bridge to connection.
  • Ask curiosity questions to help children explore the consequences of their choices instead of imposing consequences on them. Sincere questions open the heart and the rational brain—equaling connection.
  • Hugs. There are times when all of us need nothing more than a hug.

Once the connection is made, children are then open to respectful correction.

It is important to understand that “Correction” in the Positive Discipline way is very different from conventional correction.

The biggest difference is that conventional correction usually involves punishment (punitive time-out, grounding, and taking away privileges being the most common).

In other words, conventional correction consists of adults doing something TO children. Positive Discipline correction respectfully involves children whenever possible, finding solutions WITH them.

Two great methods for finding solutions are family meeting and joint problem solving.

These are powerful tools that respectfully involve children to learn and use their personal power in contributing ways.

Connection is created as part of the process.

When children feel a connection, they feel belonging and significance. Often that is enough for misbehavior to stop. As you learn about the many Positive Discipline tools, notice that they are all designed to create a connection before respectful correction.

Expectations Vs Self Care

Expectation from others is root cause of pain in relationship …

We do good ..we expect same from others …this is where true problem lies ..

Sun gives sunlight ..but never expects …trees give shade n fruits but no expectation in return ..

That’s the reason our ancestor worship Sun .. ..trees etc ..

The moment we drop expectation from others .. we too come into the category where people start worshiping with respect n gratitude ..

Expect from self …it will take us up new height of achievement …expect from our health , we will lead medicine free life …expect from our brain , we will soar national height n become biggest whatever you do ..

Set the target for self …increase it every week ..every month …n see the new leader in you emerging ..because our expectation with self can make you touch the sky..

Expectation from others will give only pain , frustration , tears , breakoff , aloness , anger ,and feeling of revenge …

Such things are slow poison ..which destroys us permanently from root level ..

Son, daughter ,spouse , parents , friends , relatives , office collegue have very very limited role in our life ….they are separate identity ..separate soul …they cannot and never be our mirror identity …and expecting from them returns of your good deeds is just degrading our value in our eyes ..

When we do charity to any beggar …we do it without any expectation …that process fills the heart with joy and gratitude ..

Because we know , beggar do not have capacity and ability to return your good deeds towards you ..

Live like king ..think like a king …act like a king …just keep “donating” good deeds who so ever comes in need to you ..

You are capable ..that’s why people take / seek ur support ..

They cannot return your “donation ” , because they are not king like you …

Expectation can be permanently drop from your body thru consistent “Meditation ” & “self healing ” …

🌺💕☘️💕🌺

Anger

Anger :- A gift or a curse?? …. Read on….

I sat with my anger. I held its hand and thanked it. I breathed deeply. Looked at it. Acknowledged it and then asked, “Why are you here?”

“I am here”, anger replied, “because you let everyone violate you and take you for granted. You donot draw your boundaries.”

I sat there, frozen, in silence, absorbing this. Anger, which I thought was bad, which I was taught is the root cause of every evil, which I was conditioned to believe it has to be controlled, was actually playing a beautiful role in my life. It was a gift.

That made me think, “If I embraced this gift, the gift of drawing boundaries, what would happen?” “Will anger go away”?, I thought to myself.

I went on an inner pilgrimage. I went back in time and observed all incidents that had made me angry. The underlying aspect in all those situations was that I felt violated in some way. Not respected, not honored in some way. I allowed people to take away my power, I felt helpless. And there came anger to protect me. Because I could not protect or honor myself.

Anger was playing a wonderful role.

So, there I was sitting with “anger” again. “Tell me anger”, what should I do?”

Anger replied, “Draw boundaries, Re-claim your power and I WILL BE GONE”.

You may ask, “What happened next”? “Did you apply boundaries? Did anger go away?”

“No, Not Really”, I say. It is a PART of me. How can a part of ME go away? You see, every emotion is a part of us. We are, as Carl Jung, says, a 360 degree with various personality parts.

“Then what’s the point?”, you may ask.

“Well, Anger, right now stands away – may be as a gatekeeper, guarding, not controlling – just watching whether I let any unwelcome guests inside.

As long as I don’t, it keeps quiet. The moment I “Allow” someone to take my power away, whenever I am helpless or let anyone violate or manipluate me, whenever I ‘allow’ this, the Gatekeeper comes ALIVE.

Anger is a guardian. It’s an ally. I understand it’s gift. The more I apply and use this gift, the more it just stands at the threshold, ‘watching’.

The moment I don’t apply the gift, it walks right back in.

Every emotion is a gift. You just have to sit with it and ask, “Why are you here? What role are you playing?”

Can you do that with your anger? With your fear, insecurity, jealousy, resistance?