Tag Archives: calmness

Connection before Correction…

These qualities I wish I had used more consistently is Connection before Correction.

Of course, I didn’t know what this meant as a young mother.

Now we know it is just brain science: children learn (grow, feel safe, thrive) best when they feel connection—or as Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs taught us, “a sense of belonging and significance”.

Extensive research shows that we cannot influence children in a positive way until we create a connection with them.

It is a brain (and heart) thing.

🌹Sometimes we have to stop dealing with the misbehavior and first heal the relationship.🌹

Connection creates a sense of safety and openness.

Punishment, lecturing, nagging, scolding, blaming or shaming create fight, flight, or freeze.

One of my favorite examples of “connection before correction” is, “ I Love You 😍 and the answer is no.”

This example also illustrates the Positive Discipline concept of kind and Down at the same time.

Before sharing more ways to create a connection with children, I want to point out that it is a mistake to think that giving children whatever they want is effective.

Rescuing, fixing, and over-protecting are not good ways to create a connection.

Effective connections are made when both child and adult feel belonging and significance.

Most of the Positive Discipline parenting tools provide skills for creating a connecon.

Simple Techniques..

  • Spend special time with children. What could create a greater connection for your child than to know you enjoy spending time with him or her.
  • Listen. Really listen. Stop doing whatever you are doing and give your child your full attention
  • Validate your child’s feelings. Don’t we all feel connected when we feel understood?
  • Share your feelings and thoughts when appropriate. Remember that children will listen to you AFTER they feel listened to. Children feel a connection when you respectfully share something about yourself. Respectfully, means no stories about walking miles in the snow.
  • Focus on solutions WITH children after a cooling off period. There is that word “with” again–because it is a golden bridge to connection.
  • Ask curiosity questions to help children explore the consequences of their choices instead of imposing consequences on them. Sincere questions open the heart and the rational brain—equaling connection.
  • Hugs. There are times when all of us need nothing more than a hug.

Once the connection is made, children are then open to respectful correction.

It is important to understand that “Correction” in the Positive Discipline way is very different from conventional correction.

The biggest difference is that conventional correction usually involves punishment (punitive time-out, grounding, and taking away privileges being the most common).

In other words, conventional correction consists of adults doing something TO children. Positive Discipline correction respectfully involves children whenever possible, finding solutions WITH them.

Two great methods for finding solutions are family meeting and joint problem solving.

These are powerful tools that respectfully involve children to learn and use their personal power in contributing ways.

Connection is created as part of the process.

When children feel a connection, they feel belonging and significance. Often that is enough for misbehavior to stop. As you learn about the many Positive Discipline tools, notice that they are all designed to create a connection before respectful correction.

Fear over Love

Choosing Love over Fear means:

1. You choose to stop beating yourself up, accept that you too are human, and show yourself compassion.

2. You choose to accept your struggles as opportunities for growth and change.

3. You choose to see all people through a lens of compassion and yes, even the ones who treat you poorly (they’re going through their own stuff … nothing to do with you!).

4. You choose to forgive yourself and others, so you can let the past go, cut the chords, and finally be able to do what you need to do in the present to thrive.

5. You choose to start appreciating your body (instead of bashing it), and that very respect allows you to do what’s right for you and your body daily.

6. You choose to not let others determine your worth.

7. You choose to savor your moments and be grateful for all that you have (even if you want more). Note: it is this very mindset that will get you more.

8. You choose to let the beliefs, thoughts, and ideas that are no longer serving you go.

9. You choose to set loving boundaries, so you can feel important too (and not like a doormat).

10. You choose to honor the present moment, by showing up the best you can for where you are in that moment.

11. You choose to speak your truth and ask for what you need, so you can live freely, fully, and honestly.

12. You choose to see your Possibilities.

13. You choose to remember that feelings are just feelings and that they too will pass.

14. You choose to show your loved ones love.

15. You choose to not let what you labeled yourself as prevent you from becoming who you want to grow into.

Inner Knowing

It is reassuring to think that we each have within us a voice that lets us know almost everything that we need to know

a voice that can help us to make the right choices and decisions, say precisely what needs to be said, and avoid travelling down the wrong paths or getting involved in the wrong things.

“If only we would listen to it!”

For it is one of the greatest gifts that we have as human beings: there are limits to our reasoning, and that is where our instinct comes into play.

Jack London spoke of it in his story, “To Build a Fire.” Here, a man uses reason to try to survive temperatures of 75 degrees below zero, but eventually dies.

However, his dog, whose instinct tells him he should not be out there, survives. 

Pay attention to “the voice within” you; it is speaking, but you must listen.

When you pray, listen for the responses to your prayers.

When you talk, listen what is said in return.

It will require practice and patience, yet the result of your diligence will be a much greater understanding of your purpose and meaning in life. 

Day 15~ The sensation of Oneness from my whatsap session

Our senses are indeed our doors and windows, the key to the unlocking of meaning and the wellspring of creativity.

Though many know only 5 senses but actually there are 9…

I AM unlocking the meaning of Life, living my connection to the whole through the wondrous sensations that surround me.

Tap into the Intuitive Powers Now 🌺

www.insightsandgrowth.com

Laila Ahmed

9820250409

Expectations Vs Self Care

Expectation from others is root cause of pain in relationship …

We do good ..we expect same from others …this is where true problem lies ..

Sun gives sunlight ..but never expects …trees give shade n fruits but no expectation in return ..

That’s the reason our ancestor worship Sun .. ..trees etc ..

The moment we drop expectation from others .. we too come into the category where people start worshiping with respect n gratitude ..

Expect from self …it will take us up new height of achievement …expect from our health , we will lead medicine free life …expect from our brain , we will soar national height n become biggest whatever you do ..

Set the target for self …increase it every week ..every month …n see the new leader in you emerging ..because our expectation with self can make you touch the sky..

Expectation from others will give only pain , frustration , tears , breakoff , aloness , anger ,and feeling of revenge …

Such things are slow poison ..which destroys us permanently from root level ..

Son, daughter ,spouse , parents , friends , relatives , office collegue have very very limited role in our life ….they are separate identity ..separate soul …they cannot and never be our mirror identity …and expecting from them returns of your good deeds is just degrading our value in our eyes ..

When we do charity to any beggar …we do it without any expectation …that process fills the heart with joy and gratitude ..

Because we know , beggar do not have capacity and ability to return your good deeds towards you ..

Live like king ..think like a king …act like a king …just keep “donating” good deeds who so ever comes in need to you ..

You are capable ..that’s why people take / seek ur support ..

They cannot return your “donation ” , because they are not king like you …

Expectation can be permanently drop from your body thru consistent “Meditation ” & “self healing ” …

🌺💕☘️💕🌺

Fearful Negative Thoughts in the midst of Positive Celebration.

Yesterday a client came with an issue that whenever there is a Joyful moments in her life, she is so fearful that something negative is going to happen. Even while watching someone’s wedding video she would feel the fear and would pray for happiness for the couple.

This was going on since many years but her reason to connect now was, her son was about to get married and she was worried and used to get fearful thoughts whether she can enjoy this celebration with her husbands or something would go wrong before the wedding.

Working upon her subconscious beliefs with Redikall the angelic message was

‘ You are perhaps quite sensitive to rude, rough and arrogant behaviour from others. This often disturbs you. You have options here. Either escape such people or circumstances by maintaining a distance or Intend and manifest courtesy and polite behaviour.

Reading this my Intuition guided me that there are instances in her childhood where she has experienced someone spoiling the happiness during Joyful moments and immediately her face showed her approval.

Her Aunt ( father’s sister) was always creating unharmonious situation in other people’s life for stupid reasons.

I worked on her experience by chanting I Revive Recognise Realign Reorient and Reposition this experience creating negating fear….within 20 mins her Aura was shining.

Later I gave her a Redikall Magical Statement 🌺

I Invite courteous and polite approach from one and all and I am enjoying Joyful Celebration with my Loved ones.

She was so grateful that a big fear was lifted up her chest and she could breathe deeply with Ease.

🌺💕☘️💕🌺

Anger

Anger :- A gift or a curse?? …. Read on….

I sat with my anger. I held its hand and thanked it. I breathed deeply. Looked at it. Acknowledged it and then asked, “Why are you here?”

“I am here”, anger replied, “because you let everyone violate you and take you for granted. You donot draw your boundaries.”

I sat there, frozen, in silence, absorbing this. Anger, which I thought was bad, which I was taught is the root cause of every evil, which I was conditioned to believe it has to be controlled, was actually playing a beautiful role in my life. It was a gift.

That made me think, “If I embraced this gift, the gift of drawing boundaries, what would happen?” “Will anger go away”?, I thought to myself.

I went on an inner pilgrimage. I went back in time and observed all incidents that had made me angry. The underlying aspect in all those situations was that I felt violated in some way. Not respected, not honored in some way. I allowed people to take away my power, I felt helpless. And there came anger to protect me. Because I could not protect or honor myself.

Anger was playing a wonderful role.

So, there I was sitting with “anger” again. “Tell me anger”, what should I do?”

Anger replied, “Draw boundaries, Re-claim your power and I WILL BE GONE”.

You may ask, “What happened next”? “Did you apply boundaries? Did anger go away?”

“No, Not Really”, I say. It is a PART of me. How can a part of ME go away? You see, every emotion is a part of us. We are, as Carl Jung, says, a 360 degree with various personality parts.

“Then what’s the point?”, you may ask.

“Well, Anger, right now stands away – may be as a gatekeeper, guarding, not controlling – just watching whether I let any unwelcome guests inside.

As long as I don’t, it keeps quiet. The moment I “Allow” someone to take my power away, whenever I am helpless or let anyone violate or manipluate me, whenever I ‘allow’ this, the Gatekeeper comes ALIVE.

Anger is a guardian. It’s an ally. I understand it’s gift. The more I apply and use this gift, the more it just stands at the threshold, ‘watching’.

The moment I don’t apply the gift, it walks right back in.

Every emotion is a gift. You just have to sit with it and ask, “Why are you here? What role are you playing?”

Can you do that with your anger? With your fear, insecurity, jealousy, resistance?

Tell me More

“Hi Bandana,

2 quick questions for you…

1) Are men really from Mars?

2) Are women from Venus?

I’m sure you’ve heard this reference many times before, and the implication is that we’re so different, men and women might as well be from different planets.

The reality is, we are equal in many respects – especially when it comes to our basic human needs like safety, love, belonging, and our desire to become the most we can be. But we are also different… after all, we are individuals with unique experiences.

This can be seen in how we each think, react, and communicate to the same circumstances.

For example, men tend to communicate through actions rather than words.

This behavior can be traced back to prehistoric times, when men did most of the hunting, providing, and solving challenges. In other words, they proved their worth by taking care of their family.

So when a woman tells a man about a problem, his immediate reaction is to fix it.

This approach can make women feel offended, insulted, or even angry–because women don’t necessarily want men to solve their problem.

Unless they specifically ask for that, what women really want is to be heard and understood. They want men to pay attention and connect with them emotionally.

However, men aren’t intentionally trying to be insulting or offensive. They’re just simply following their instinct and survival methods: “I see a problem, therefore I must help NOW.”

So women, if you find yourself getting irritated by men jumping in to solve a situation, problem or challenge, remember it’s not a statement about you or your abilities.

Men are simply acting on their knee-jerk desire to fix whatever they think is “broken.”

And men, I’d like to teach you 3 powerful words you can use every time a woman opens up to you about a challenge she’s experiencing. Instead of jumping into action, take a deep breath, and say these simple words…

“Tell me more.”

Then, let her know you listened by reflecting back and saying things like, “So what you’re saying is…” or “That must be really frustrating,” or “I can see why you’re upset.”

Now that you know about these differences, think about how you can use this knowledge to communicate more effectively with the opposite sex.

Remember this, Laila , women tend to show intimacy by sharing their feelings, while men tend to express their caring through their actions.”

– from a newsletter of Jack Canfield – Author of many books including Success Principles and How to get from where you are to where you want to be and Chicken soup for the Soul series 🙂

White Light Meditation

How to create a white light protection?

We are all dedicated to removing negativity and heavy energy from our lives, keeping our thoughts and experiences as positive as possible. Every day, we are all working toward this. One of my favorite ways is using white light protection. It is so simple to implement, let me share some tips for this with you, so you too can use the power of white light protection to guide your life in a positive direction.

To use white light protection, sit, still and quietly, and imagine a strong, protective white light moving around your body, mind and soul, and forming a shield around you to block negativity. White light protection is a simple process, but these tips always make my practice more effective.

1. Set aside time each day for using white light. White light protection is helpful in times of trouble, but you will see it is just as helpful to keep happy and grounded when you are not struggling.

2. Use white light as soon as you awake or just before bed. Calling on white light protection early in the morning surrounds you with positive, protective energy before you have picked up the energy of others or events. If you are not able to do this or forget, make sure to clear your own energy before using white light protection. It is a very strong shield, and if you have negative thoughts, it can trap that energy in addition to keeping other energy out.

3. Like reflection and meditation, the longer you use white light protection, the easier it gets to tune out your surroundings and practice, but as you start using this method, try to find somewhere to sit, quieten down and be still where others will not bother you. Create a calming atmosphere to begin to get closer to the state of mind allowing for using white light.

4. When you begin, use the meditative position where your thumb and forefinger or middle finger are touching. This is proven to send signals to your brain helping you relax, which will make the process easier and more beneficial.

5. Use your imagination. Form a picture in your mind of light coming down and pouring around your aura. You can imagine yourself inside an egg, bubble or ball where white light covers you or picture white light wrapping around your body. Whatever image makes you feel most comfortable, go with that.

6. Choose a mantra for setting your intentions. Look for mantras that create a sense of security or wellbeing. A good example might be, “Protect me from negativity throughout this day.” It’s really up to you!

White light protection is an excellent tool for shielding yourself from the negative and heavy energy we often pick up, and it can work for you in the same way. Try using white light protection before you lay down to sleep at night and when you wake in the morning. Notice to see if you can feel the power of white light protecting you during the day?

Positive or Negative?

*How To Instantly Read Someone’s Personality With One Question*

One type of question can indirectly reveal a lot about a person’s personality.

Asking someone what they think about other people reveals much about their own personality.

*The reason is that people tend to see more of their own qualities in others.*

The generous person sees others as generous and the selfish person sees others as selfish.

Dr Dustin Wood, the study’s first author, said:

_“A huge suite of negative personality traits are associated with viewing others negatively._

_The simple tendency to see people negatively indicates a greater likelihood of depression and various personality disorders.”_

The conclusions come from a series of three studies.

In one people were asked to judge the positive and negative characteristics of three other people.

The more positively they judged those people, the more happy, enthusiastic, capable and emotionally stable they turned out to be themselves.

People who judged others more positively also turned out to be more satisfied with their own lives.

Set against this, those who judged others more negatively had higher levels of narcissism and antisocial behaviour.

The researchers even returned to the same people a year later and found the results were the same.

This suggests that what people’s ratings of others say about themselves remains stable over time.

Personality disorders are often diagnosed at least partly by how people view others, the authors write:

_“…although narcissists may perceive others as being uninteresting or worthless, this may not reflect how they see themselves._

_Similarly, individuals displaying behaviors typical of paranoid personality disorder may believe that others are malevolent and untrustworthy, even though they may not see themselves that way._

_[…]_

_Machiavellianism is usually measured in part by asking individuals the extent to which they perceive a lack of sincerity, integrity, or selflessness in others’ actions, and narcissistic behavior is thought to be prompted in part by a belief that other people are inferior, uninteresting, and unworthy of attention.”_

The study was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Wood et al., 2010).

Winning and Losing ⛳️

I read a quote everyday and ponder on it…

Today Read this :

Success is not measured by what you do compared to what others do; it is measured by what you do with the ability God gave you.

Zig Zigler

Than the stream of though followed….

Most people connect with me and ask please bless my child his exams are there or bless my New Bussiness…..

Blessings is God’s Grace but let’s understand one thing which is very very Important specially when you want your children to succeed in First place.

Please avoid Rat Race….its tooo much pressure on your children.

Regardless of whether I come in first place, second place, or last place, as long as I used my God-given talents to the best of my ability and did the best that I am capable of doing, I have most certainly succeeded.

That is because the real difference between a winner and a loser is their attitude

even if I get passed over for the promotion or do not receive recognition for my work, I can still be a winner.

I set my own personal standards; I define my own success in life.

Divine Success

🌺💕☘️💕🌺