Tag Archives: communication

Connection before Correction…

These qualities I wish I had used more consistently is Connection before Correction.

Of course, I didn’t know what this meant as a young mother.

Now we know it is just brain science: children learn (grow, feel safe, thrive) best when they feel connection—or as Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs taught us, “a sense of belonging and significance”.

Extensive research shows that we cannot influence children in a positive way until we create a connection with them.

It is a brain (and heart) thing.

🌹Sometimes we have to stop dealing with the misbehavior and first heal the relationship.🌹

Connection creates a sense of safety and openness.

Punishment, lecturing, nagging, scolding, blaming or shaming create fight, flight, or freeze.

One of my favorite examples of “connection before correction” is, “ I Love You 😍 and the answer is no.”

This example also illustrates the Positive Discipline concept of kind and Down at the same time.

Before sharing more ways to create a connection with children, I want to point out that it is a mistake to think that giving children whatever they want is effective.

Rescuing, fixing, and over-protecting are not good ways to create a connection.

Effective connections are made when both child and adult feel belonging and significance.

Most of the Positive Discipline parenting tools provide skills for creating a connecon.

Simple Techniques..

  • Spend special time with children. What could create a greater connection for your child than to know you enjoy spending time with him or her.
  • Listen. Really listen. Stop doing whatever you are doing and give your child your full attention
  • Validate your child’s feelings. Don’t we all feel connected when we feel understood?
  • Share your feelings and thoughts when appropriate. Remember that children will listen to you AFTER they feel listened to. Children feel a connection when you respectfully share something about yourself. Respectfully, means no stories about walking miles in the snow.
  • Focus on solutions WITH children after a cooling off period. There is that word “with” again–because it is a golden bridge to connection.
  • Ask curiosity questions to help children explore the consequences of their choices instead of imposing consequences on them. Sincere questions open the heart and the rational brain—equaling connection.
  • Hugs. There are times when all of us need nothing more than a hug.

Once the connection is made, children are then open to respectful correction.

It is important to understand that “Correction” in the Positive Discipline way is very different from conventional correction.

The biggest difference is that conventional correction usually involves punishment (punitive time-out, grounding, and taking away privileges being the most common).

In other words, conventional correction consists of adults doing something TO children. Positive Discipline correction respectfully involves children whenever possible, finding solutions WITH them.

Two great methods for finding solutions are family meeting and joint problem solving.

These are powerful tools that respectfully involve children to learn and use their personal power in contributing ways.

Connection is created as part of the process.

When children feel a connection, they feel belonging and significance. Often that is enough for misbehavior to stop. As you learn about the many Positive Discipline tools, notice that they are all designed to create a connection before respectful correction.

Inner Knowing

It is reassuring to think that we each have within us a voice that lets us know almost everything that we need to know

a voice that can help us to make the right choices and decisions, say precisely what needs to be said, and avoid travelling down the wrong paths or getting involved in the wrong things.

“If only we would listen to it!”

For it is one of the greatest gifts that we have as human beings: there are limits to our reasoning, and that is where our instinct comes into play.

Jack London spoke of it in his story, “To Build a Fire.” Here, a man uses reason to try to survive temperatures of 75 degrees below zero, but eventually dies.

However, his dog, whose instinct tells him he should not be out there, survives. 

Pay attention to “the voice within” you; it is speaking, but you must listen.

When you pray, listen for the responses to your prayers.

When you talk, listen what is said in return.

It will require practice and patience, yet the result of your diligence will be a much greater understanding of your purpose and meaning in life. 

Day 15~ The sensation of Oneness from my whatsap session

Our senses are indeed our doors and windows, the key to the unlocking of meaning and the wellspring of creativity.

Though many know only 5 senses but actually there are 9…

I AM unlocking the meaning of Life, living my connection to the whole through the wondrous sensations that surround me.

Tap into the Intuitive Powers Now 🌺

www.insightsandgrowth.com

Laila Ahmed

9820250409

No No No ~ YES

🌹A No No No story🌹

Yesterday I was in a business training where the trainer asked us a following question

“If I give you 1cr rupees will you jump from the plane?”

Before I go further I would like you to answer this question.

*What would you reply?*

Most of the people in the room said *”No No No”* there where few of the other interesting answers but a NO was the maximum.

On this the trainer said “you all answered me before I could even inform you wether I’ll give you a parachute or not, or even if the plane is in the sky or on ground.”

This really made me go to all those places in my life where I just say NO NO NO without even considering it on a auto pilot.

Are you doing the same?

Where, when, what, why and how have you made a NO NO NO a auto pilot in your life?

Have you ever wondered how many NO’s are you using from the life you desire and from what you know is possible?

If you would choose to live your life with 🌹YES🌹

*YES* I can.

*YES* let’s do it.

*YES* I love you.

*YES* I am different.

*YES* I don’t like you.

*YES* I want money.

Won’t this crate more ease in your life?👍

✔️Are you willing to have a YES life?✔️

Tell me More

“Hi Bandana,

2 quick questions for you…

1) Are men really from Mars?

2) Are women from Venus?

I’m sure you’ve heard this reference many times before, and the implication is that we’re so different, men and women might as well be from different planets.

The reality is, we are equal in many respects – especially when it comes to our basic human needs like safety, love, belonging, and our desire to become the most we can be. But we are also different… after all, we are individuals with unique experiences.

This can be seen in how we each think, react, and communicate to the same circumstances.

For example, men tend to communicate through actions rather than words.

This behavior can be traced back to prehistoric times, when men did most of the hunting, providing, and solving challenges. In other words, they proved their worth by taking care of their family.

So when a woman tells a man about a problem, his immediate reaction is to fix it.

This approach can make women feel offended, insulted, or even angry–because women don’t necessarily want men to solve their problem.

Unless they specifically ask for that, what women really want is to be heard and understood. They want men to pay attention and connect with them emotionally.

However, men aren’t intentionally trying to be insulting or offensive. They’re just simply following their instinct and survival methods: “I see a problem, therefore I must help NOW.”

So women, if you find yourself getting irritated by men jumping in to solve a situation, problem or challenge, remember it’s not a statement about you or your abilities.

Men are simply acting on their knee-jerk desire to fix whatever they think is “broken.”

And men, I’d like to teach you 3 powerful words you can use every time a woman opens up to you about a challenge she’s experiencing. Instead of jumping into action, take a deep breath, and say these simple words…

“Tell me more.”

Then, let her know you listened by reflecting back and saying things like, “So what you’re saying is…” or “That must be really frustrating,” or “I can see why you’re upset.”

Now that you know about these differences, think about how you can use this knowledge to communicate more effectively with the opposite sex.

Remember this, Laila , women tend to show intimacy by sharing their feelings, while men tend to express their caring through their actions.”

– from a newsletter of Jack Canfield – Author of many books including Success Principles and How to get from where you are to where you want to be and Chicken soup for the Soul series 🙂

Winning and Losing ⛳️

I read a quote everyday and ponder on it…

Today Read this :

Success is not measured by what you do compared to what others do; it is measured by what you do with the ability God gave you.

Zig Zigler

Than the stream of though followed….

Most people connect with me and ask please bless my child his exams are there or bless my New Bussiness…..

Blessings is God’s Grace but let’s understand one thing which is very very Important specially when you want your children to succeed in First place.

Please avoid Rat Race….its tooo much pressure on your children.

Regardless of whether I come in first place, second place, or last place, as long as I used my God-given talents to the best of my ability and did the best that I am capable of doing, I have most certainly succeeded.

That is because the real difference between a winner and a loser is their attitude

even if I get passed over for the promotion or do not receive recognition for my work, I can still be a winner.

I set my own personal standards; I define my own success in life.

Divine Success

🌺💕☘️💕🌺

Hayati and Ruhani ?

If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?

Stephen Levine

What a powerful way to look at life! If I could wake up each morning and ask myself this question, and then make it a priority to answer it to the best of my abilities, I am sure that I would not have any grudges or regrets. Nor would I have things left unsaid or undone in my life. This is the most authentic way to live our lives–telling others everything that needs to be said when we have the ability to do so.

If I were going to die tomorrow… are there things I have said that were unkind to those I love? Did I have an argument with my spouse or siblings and leave it on bad terms? Do I want my last words to one of my daughters to be words of anger or frustration? Of course not!

Keeping our mind clear of regrets and grudges frees us up to being fully present in the here and now. It allows us to keep our life in perspective and to free ourselves from those feelings of anger, resentment, and pride. Do not wait for the perfect time to apologize… that time may never come.

Today’s Challenge: Clear your mind today of at least one thing that needs to be said.

Questions to consider:

Is it morbid to think of the possibility of dying tomorrow? Why do a lot of people avoid thinking this way?

What is the most important situation that you would like to make right in your life?

Why might we not make the calls that would make things better, or that would give us a chance to talk to people we care for?

If we wait until we’re ready, we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives.

Divine Life

??☘️??