Tag Archives: Compassion

Connection before Correction…

These qualities I wish I had used more consistently is Connection before Correction.

Of course, I didn’t know what this meant as a young mother.

Now we know it is just brain science: children learn (grow, feel safe, thrive) best when they feel connection—or as Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs taught us, “a sense of belonging and significance”.

Extensive research shows that we cannot influence children in a positive way until we create a connection with them.

It is a brain (and heart) thing.

🌹Sometimes we have to stop dealing with the misbehavior and first heal the relationship.🌹

Connection creates a sense of safety and openness.

Punishment, lecturing, nagging, scolding, blaming or shaming create fight, flight, or freeze.

One of my favorite examples of “connection before correction” is, “ I Love You 😍 and the answer is no.”

This example also illustrates the Positive Discipline concept of kind and Down at the same time.

Before sharing more ways to create a connection with children, I want to point out that it is a mistake to think that giving children whatever they want is effective.

Rescuing, fixing, and over-protecting are not good ways to create a connection.

Effective connections are made when both child and adult feel belonging and significance.

Most of the Positive Discipline parenting tools provide skills for creating a connecon.

Simple Techniques..

  • Spend special time with children. What could create a greater connection for your child than to know you enjoy spending time with him or her.
  • Listen. Really listen. Stop doing whatever you are doing and give your child your full attention
  • Validate your child’s feelings. Don’t we all feel connected when we feel understood?
  • Share your feelings and thoughts when appropriate. Remember that children will listen to you AFTER they feel listened to. Children feel a connection when you respectfully share something about yourself. Respectfully, means no stories about walking miles in the snow.
  • Focus on solutions WITH children after a cooling off period. There is that word “with” again–because it is a golden bridge to connection.
  • Ask curiosity questions to help children explore the consequences of their choices instead of imposing consequences on them. Sincere questions open the heart and the rational brain—equaling connection.
  • Hugs. There are times when all of us need nothing more than a hug.

Once the connection is made, children are then open to respectful correction.

It is important to understand that “Correction” in the Positive Discipline way is very different from conventional correction.

The biggest difference is that conventional correction usually involves punishment (punitive time-out, grounding, and taking away privileges being the most common).

In other words, conventional correction consists of adults doing something TO children. Positive Discipline correction respectfully involves children whenever possible, finding solutions WITH them.

Two great methods for finding solutions are family meeting and joint problem solving.

These are powerful tools that respectfully involve children to learn and use their personal power in contributing ways.

Connection is created as part of the process.

When children feel a connection, they feel belonging and significance. Often that is enough for misbehavior to stop. As you learn about the many Positive Discipline tools, notice that they are all designed to create a connection before respectful correction.

Fear over Love

Choosing Love over Fear means:

1. You choose to stop beating yourself up, accept that you too are human, and show yourself compassion.

2. You choose to accept your struggles as opportunities for growth and change.

3. You choose to see all people through a lens of compassion and yes, even the ones who treat you poorly (they’re going through their own stuff … nothing to do with you!).

4. You choose to forgive yourself and others, so you can let the past go, cut the chords, and finally be able to do what you need to do in the present to thrive.

5. You choose to start appreciating your body (instead of bashing it), and that very respect allows you to do what’s right for you and your body daily.

6. You choose to not let others determine your worth.

7. You choose to savor your moments and be grateful for all that you have (even if you want more). Note: it is this very mindset that will get you more.

8. You choose to let the beliefs, thoughts, and ideas that are no longer serving you go.

9. You choose to set loving boundaries, so you can feel important too (and not like a doormat).

10. You choose to honor the present moment, by showing up the best you can for where you are in that moment.

11. You choose to speak your truth and ask for what you need, so you can live freely, fully, and honestly.

12. You choose to see your Possibilities.

13. You choose to remember that feelings are just feelings and that they too will pass.

14. You choose to show your loved ones love.

15. You choose to not let what you labeled yourself as prevent you from becoming who you want to grow into.

Tell me More

“Hi Bandana,

2 quick questions for you…

1) Are men really from Mars?

2) Are women from Venus?

I’m sure you’ve heard this reference many times before, and the implication is that we’re so different, men and women might as well be from different planets.

The reality is, we are equal in many respects – especially when it comes to our basic human needs like safety, love, belonging, and our desire to become the most we can be. But we are also different… after all, we are individuals with unique experiences.

This can be seen in how we each think, react, and communicate to the same circumstances.

For example, men tend to communicate through actions rather than words.

This behavior can be traced back to prehistoric times, when men did most of the hunting, providing, and solving challenges. In other words, they proved their worth by taking care of their family.

So when a woman tells a man about a problem, his immediate reaction is to fix it.

This approach can make women feel offended, insulted, or even angry–because women don’t necessarily want men to solve their problem.

Unless they specifically ask for that, what women really want is to be heard and understood. They want men to pay attention and connect with them emotionally.

However, men aren’t intentionally trying to be insulting or offensive. They’re just simply following their instinct and survival methods: “I see a problem, therefore I must help NOW.”

So women, if you find yourself getting irritated by men jumping in to solve a situation, problem or challenge, remember it’s not a statement about you or your abilities.

Men are simply acting on their knee-jerk desire to fix whatever they think is “broken.”

And men, I’d like to teach you 3 powerful words you can use every time a woman opens up to you about a challenge she’s experiencing. Instead of jumping into action, take a deep breath, and say these simple words…

“Tell me more.”

Then, let her know you listened by reflecting back and saying things like, “So what you’re saying is…” or “That must be really frustrating,” or “I can see why you’re upset.”

Now that you know about these differences, think about how you can use this knowledge to communicate more effectively with the opposite sex.

Remember this, Laila , women tend to show intimacy by sharing their feelings, while men tend to express their caring through their actions.”

– from a newsletter of Jack Canfield – Author of many books including Success Principles and How to get from where you are to where you want to be and Chicken soup for the Soul series 🙂

Positive or Negative?

*How To Instantly Read Someone’s Personality With One Question*

One type of question can indirectly reveal a lot about a person’s personality.

Asking someone what they think about other people reveals much about their own personality.

*The reason is that people tend to see more of their own qualities in others.*

The generous person sees others as generous and the selfish person sees others as selfish.

Dr Dustin Wood, the study’s first author, said:

_“A huge suite of negative personality traits are associated with viewing others negatively._

_The simple tendency to see people negatively indicates a greater likelihood of depression and various personality disorders.”_

The conclusions come from a series of three studies.

In one people were asked to judge the positive and negative characteristics of three other people.

The more positively they judged those people, the more happy, enthusiastic, capable and emotionally stable they turned out to be themselves.

People who judged others more positively also turned out to be more satisfied with their own lives.

Set against this, those who judged others more negatively had higher levels of narcissism and antisocial behaviour.

The researchers even returned to the same people a year later and found the results were the same.

This suggests that what people’s ratings of others say about themselves remains stable over time.

Personality disorders are often diagnosed at least partly by how people view others, the authors write:

_“…although narcissists may perceive others as being uninteresting or worthless, this may not reflect how they see themselves._

_Similarly, individuals displaying behaviors typical of paranoid personality disorder may believe that others are malevolent and untrustworthy, even though they may not see themselves that way._

_[…]_

_Machiavellianism is usually measured in part by asking individuals the extent to which they perceive a lack of sincerity, integrity, or selflessness in others’ actions, and narcissistic behavior is thought to be prompted in part by a belief that other people are inferior, uninteresting, and unworthy of attention.”_

The study was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Wood et al., 2010).

Winning and Losing ⛳️

I read a quote everyday and ponder on it…

Today Read this :

Success is not measured by what you do compared to what others do; it is measured by what you do with the ability God gave you.

Zig Zigler

Than the stream of though followed….

Most people connect with me and ask please bless my child his exams are there or bless my New Bussiness…..

Blessings is God’s Grace but let’s understand one thing which is very very Important specially when you want your children to succeed in First place.

Please avoid Rat Race….its tooo much pressure on your children.

Regardless of whether I come in first place, second place, or last place, as long as I used my God-given talents to the best of my ability and did the best that I am capable of doing, I have most certainly succeeded.

That is because the real difference between a winner and a loser is their attitude

even if I get passed over for the promotion or do not receive recognition for my work, I can still be a winner.

I set my own personal standards; I define my own success in life.

Divine Success

🌺💕☘️💕🌺

Bitterness ?

Today someone asked a question….what if close family tries to stop us from reaching out True Potential…..

And the question arose so many questions in my mind on how to answer this query in the best possible way….and here what you ask you receive….

Sharing this wonderful Insight which is slightly Long but worth a read and we can also discuss it for more clarification…

Bitter feelings allow us to become perfect victims, in that we no longer feel obliged to work toward healing.

It is natural to feel resentment or anger when life does not unfold as expected.

We consciously or unconsciously anticipated one experience, and we grieve for the loss of it when the universe puts something else in our path.

Most of the time, we work through these feelings and they pass.

Occasionally, our anger and resentment do not fade and are instead transformed into bitterness.

Bitter feelings allow us to become perfect victims in that we no longer feel obliged to work toward healing and choose instead to identify with our pain.

Yet as unwholesome as bitterness can be, it is also a natural element of our emotional palette.

When we acknowledge that it is okay to feel bitter, we reconnect with our hurt in a constructive way and can begin the process of working through it.

The nature of bitterness is rooted in the fact that the pain we feel provides us with a rationale.

We may feel that we deserve to embrace our bitterness to its full extent.

And to be bitter is, in essence, to cut ourselves off from all that is positive, hardening our hearts and vowing never to let go of our hurt.

But just as bitter feelings can be self-defeating, so too can the release of bitterness be life-affirming in a way that few other emotional experiences are.

When we decide that we no longer want to be bitter, we are reborn into a world filled with delight and fulfillment unlike any we knew while in the clutches of bitterness.

The veil it cast over our lives is lifted, letting light and warmth touch our souls.

Divesting yourself of bitter feelings can be as simple as truly forgiving and moving on.

Even when your bitterness has no concrete object, you can forgive situations too.

Healing pain can be challenging but may be easier if you remind yourself that you are the only entity truly affected by your emotional state.

I

n time, you will discover that letting go of your bitterness frees you to initiate the healing process and allows you to once again celebrate the possibility of the more wonderful life you deserve.

Divine Expansion

??☘️??

Hayati and Ruhani ?

If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?

Stephen Levine

What a powerful way to look at life! If I could wake up each morning and ask myself this question, and then make it a priority to answer it to the best of my abilities, I am sure that I would not have any grudges or regrets. Nor would I have things left unsaid or undone in my life. This is the most authentic way to live our lives–telling others everything that needs to be said when we have the ability to do so.

If I were going to die tomorrow… are there things I have said that were unkind to those I love? Did I have an argument with my spouse or siblings and leave it on bad terms? Do I want my last words to one of my daughters to be words of anger or frustration? Of course not!

Keeping our mind clear of regrets and grudges frees us up to being fully present in the here and now. It allows us to keep our life in perspective and to free ourselves from those feelings of anger, resentment, and pride. Do not wait for the perfect time to apologize… that time may never come.

Today’s Challenge: Clear your mind today of at least one thing that needs to be said.

Questions to consider:

Is it morbid to think of the possibility of dying tomorrow? Why do a lot of people avoid thinking this way?

What is the most important situation that you would like to make right in your life?

Why might we not make the calls that would make things better, or that would give us a chance to talk to people we care for?

If we wait until we’re ready, we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives.

Divine Life

??☘️??

I can do it ~ Louise Hay

If you want to create better health in your body, there are definitely some things you must not do: You must not get angry at your body for any reason. Anger is another affirmation, and it’s telling your body that you hate it, or parts of it. Your cells are very aware of every thought you have.

Your body knows how to heal itself. If you feed it healthy foods and beverages, give it exercise and sufficient sleep, and think happy thoughts, then its work is easy. The cells are working in a happy, healthy atmosphere. However, if you’re a couch potato who feeds your body junk food and lots of diet soda, and you skimp on sleep and are grouchy and irritable all the time, then the cells in your body are working at a disadvantage—they’re in a disagreeable atmosphere. If this is the case, it’s no wonder that your body isn’t as healthy as you’d like it to be.

You’ll never create good health by talking or thinking about your illness. Good health comes from love and appreciation. You want to put as much love into your body as you possibly can. Talk to it and stroke it in loving ways. If there’s a part of your body that’s ailing or dis-eased, then you want to treat it as you would a sick little child. Tell it how much you love it, and that you’re doing everything you can to help it get well quickly.

If you’re sick, then you want to do more than just go to the doctor and have him or her give you a chemical to take care of the symptom. Your body is telling you that something you’re doing isn’t good for your body. You need to learn more about health—the more you learn, the easier it is to take care of your body. You don’t want to choose to feel like a victim. If you do, you’ll just be giving your power away. You could go to a health-food store and pick up one of the many good books that teach you how to keep yourself healthy, or you could see a nutritionist and have a healthy diet created just for you, but whatever you do, create a healthy, happy mental atmosphere. Be a willing participant in your own health plan.

I believe that we create every so-called illness in our body. The body, like everything else in life, is a mirror of our inner thoughts and beliefs. Our body is always talking to us; we just need to take the time to listen. Every cell within our body responds to every single thought we think and every word we speak.

You can choose to think thoughts that create a mental atmosphere that contributes to illness, or you can choose to think thoughts that create a healthy atmosphere both within you and around you.

Positive Affirmations for Health

I enjoy the foods that are best for my body. I love every cell of my body.

I look forward to a healthy old age because I take loving care of my body now.

I am constantly discovering new ways to improve my health.

Healing happens! I get my mind out of the way and allow the intelligence of my body to do its healing work naturally.

My body is always doing its best to create perfect health.

Fight Vs Flight

Choose What You Fight…

I once met a very successful business woman and I asked her to share her secret with me.

She smiled and said to me..

I started succeeding when I started leaving small fights for small fighters.

I stopped fighting those who gossiped about me…

I stopped fighting over unnecessary issues with my spouse…

I stopped fighting for attention…

I stopped fighting to meet up with public expectation…

I left such fights for those who have nothing else to fight…

“And I started fighting for my vision, my dreams, my ideas and my destiny. Then I started winning big”.

That was the day I gave up on small fights.

Some fights are not worth your time.

Fight to make your visions and dreams come alive!

Fight the good fight of faith!

Fight for your destiny not for your ego!

Entrepreneurs shouldn’t have time for unnecessary fights!

Visionaries don’t cluster their mind with nonsense bickering!

Always ask, what is this fight adding to my destiny, my goal, my progress?

Choose what you fight for in 2018 as a year for greatness.

Compliments of the season to all the game changers.

Self Talk ~ Preparing the Ground.

Lesson 5

Positive Self Talk

— Present Tense —

I encourage myself

I am fully confident in myself

I see only the good things in myself

I destroy negative self talk

I am immune to negative thinking

I utilize positive self talk to my advantage

I talk to my mind as needed

I am a strong individual

Positive self talk ensures my independence

I use positive self talk regularly

— Future Tense —

I will get rid of internal negativeness

I will tell myself only positive things

I will stop seeing the bad things in me

I will repeat positive affirmations on a regular basis

I will focus on the positive moments of my life

I will stop comparing myself to others

I will stop putting myself down

My self-image will improve with positive self talk

I am becoming more upbeat

I will stop saying “I can’t”

— Natural Statement —

I naturally talk myself up

I was born a positive person

My awareness of negative talk helps me to eliminate it

I see myself for what I truly am

I constantly remind myself of the good things in my life

I concentrate on my positive attributes

I am naturally my own life coach

I avoid personal doubts

I naturally overcome personal challenges

I know that I am a beautiful person

Divine Talk

??☘️??